The one with josh...

He can account for all of the men in his past
Where they are now, who they been with, how many men they have
He knew their backgrounds, family and friends
A few he even talks to now and then

But there is one he can't put his finger on
There is one who never leaves his thoughts
And he thinks his name was josh.

A chance meeting, a party a few days back
Broad shoulders and bright eyes, his hair was so black
He was a friend of a friend you could say
He let his smile just sweep him away

And in his heart he knew it was wrong
But too much wine and he left his bed at dawn
And he thinks his name was josh…

Now each day is one day that's left in his life
He won't know love, have a relationship or sing lullabies
He lays all alone and cries himself to sleep
'cause he let a stranger kill his hopes and his dreams

And all her friends say what a pity what a loss
And in the end when he was barely hanging on
All he could say is he thinks his name was josh…

The one the world stood still

Thousands of people live in this town
And I had to run into him
When I saw him there on that busy street
Those feelings came back again
There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
He walked up to me, looked in my eyes

And still
The world stood still
I couldn't move
And all I could feel
Was this aching in my heart
Saying I loved him still

He said how've you been
It's great to see you again
You're really a sight for sore eyes
I said, I can't complain
I'm doing fine
We talked as the people rushed by
We laughed about old times and all we went through
That's when he hugged me and said I've missed you

And still
The world stood still
I couldn't move
And all I could feel
Was this aching in my heart
Saying I loved him still

That's when he walked up to him
He said, this is my guy
I gave my best smile
But I was dying inside
He said we got to go now
It's getting late
It was so good to see you
Then they walked away

And still
The world stood still
I couldn't move
And all I could feel
Was this aching in my heart
Saying I loved him still

sign out.

The one with the misses...

Why do i always seem to shoot the arrow at the wrong targets...
Seems like my aiming is getting worst n worst...

ARGH!!! It is really frustrating... and i m really scare of taking up my bow again... :(

Wats worst is i m also attracting the wrong kind of arrows n i just dun understand why m i not accepting them...

i guess everything that has happened, i m just so super careful not to step on dangerous grounds again... Still it is really depressing... really... Pee Pee i need u...

when will my wait be over... when will the arrow i m longing for strike me rite in the heart...

Today:
I went out with kelvin to meet that bastard n later with dera n izad for sushi... We really had fun taking pics n fooling ard... the waitress there was so so so polite n friendly... i really love that place though the food suck alittle...

i hope we brighten up kel's day... he nearly cried afew times when he was keeping silence i think n this really hit me more when thinking abt myself...

yesterday an SQ friend call me to ask abt a certain guy who i used to see who also turn out breaking my heart into million pieces... "henry"
it seems that he is back into action... asking ppl out again...
he's excuse for me is that he cldnt forget his ex, which is deja vu for kel n so this is one of his toughest decision to leave me (blah blah blah)
i wonder has he forgotten abt him n move on or is he trying to use someone to fill his gap again...

Also i cld see that his friend's list is getting lesser n always have new faces on... maybe those hearts he broke have kicked him out n only i who bothered to keep him.... is it bcos i still have feelings?? i did sms n email afew things few weeks or mths ago but receive no reply... mayb he has forgotten me or avoiding me, but why the hearts n stuff... he nv realise that wat he did really hurt me so much... using poetry n romance as my weak point to grab hold of me n then throwing me dwn... it seems like a game to him... i think i shd just stop visiting him at his profile so i cld really live my life...

anyway... i pray nothing of these will happen to me or my friends again... i think we had enough of these n its time for someone nice n really really sincere... let us just wait then... :)

by the way, thanks pee for ur emails... i miss u.

sign out.

This one's for the boys

This is for all you boys, about fifteen
Schoolwork can be so rough; can be so mean
Hold onto your innocence
Stand your ground, when everybody's giving in

This one's for the boys

This is for all you boys, about twenty-five
In little apartments just trying to get by
Living on dreams and Spaghettios
Wondering where your life is gonna go

This one's for the boys
Who've ever had a broken heart
Who've wished upon a shooting star
You're beautiful the way you are
This one's for the boys
Who love without holding back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world
This one's for the boys

This is for all you boys, about forty-two
Tossing pennies into the fountain of youth
Every laugh, laugh line on your face
Made you who you are today

Yeah, we're all the same inside
From one to ninety-nine

This one's for the boys
Who've ever had a broken heart
Who've wished upon a shooting star
You're beautiful the way you are
This one's for the boys
Who love without holding back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world
This one's for the boys


sign out.

The one with Mr Misunderstood

today was a really bad day for me...
long n tiring... i dunno why actually.... seems like im deteriorating fast...

anyway, today my main reason of writing is bcos i felt i was so wronged, so wronged of my intentions...

actually i felt betrayed...
why is there a need to have all these bull crap in our lives...
why cant everyone just be truthful n be peaceful...
Trying to fulfill someone's wish turn out to making me a desperate human being in someone's life.

Suddenly i felt so shameless when i hear of the comments...
it does hurt of course to have ur sincere actions being misunderstood...

i guess thats life...

Anyway, i m so overly exhausted with so many tasks n responsibilities, i dun think i will wanna pursue this matter anymore...
come to think of it... Ah yah... Forget it, no point saying more when u are not in stable mind...

In the end only god knws who is telling the truth n may those who are deceitful to be put where they belong...

i will end it here.

sign out.

The one with my Zoo Trip!!

Its over...

It was a great great trip... :)

But it didnt start off well at first.. well thanks to DERA!! She couldnt wake up n i couldnt reach her bcos her phone was off!!! ARGH!!!
Thank goodness I made arrangement with Kel, if not i dunno how m i suppose to handle them all...

i really had fun with kel though... i do hope this help cheer him up alittle n let him forget abt his bastard ex for awhile... his ex happen to be also my bastard's friends too... now u see... i told u so...

anyway back to the juicy part... we set off first from sch n kel n i suppose to bring my class to one of the bus... n just our luck, the bus we boarded just bursted its air con... so we had to sit in the damn sauna bus n those kids at the back... gosh.... they nearly die from suffocation loh... hahaha... i couldnt stop laughing...

When we were there... i myself m so so excited bcos its been so long since i went... we went in shortly n true enough, chaos erupted. my class starts running everywhere... goodness.
i nearly lost my voice shouting constantly n that damn weather didnt help much also... :(

then we rested at KFC for breakfast or lunch or watever later... n imagine a few hundred kids swarming the small little hut with only 3 counter n 5 staffs max... haha

i really pity the staff loh... haha... they were really taken in for a surprise... i was the helplessness faces on the aunties face... poor thing man...
i was really trying to take a pic with my class but me n kel were havin such a hard time getting them to stay...sigh... in the end, i only manage to get a few... so disappting... anyway i hope i have better luck next time when we r going to the esplanade this end march... hehe.

so after KFC, we walked another like 1hr then it seem short but it seems like we were in a road march... it was real fun all in all...

i think i hav grown so so attached to my kids after this... i really dunno what happen when i leave... sigh...
guess i just enjoy wat i have now n appreciate the most i have... :)

Thanks kel for helping me with the 2 Ah ma n spending the day with me.. :)
i hope u will feel better... dear friend.

sign out.

The one with my coming Zoo trip

Im having my first zoo trip this fri... its really exciting... Cant wait!!

I recently receive sad news of a certain friend i really hope he will be fine...

hey call me if u need anything...

Not to be a wet blanket, but i saw this coming... well... mayb bcos he is from the same grp of ppl who hav been giving me n my friends problems... then again, its mainly me... like the word goes "a chip off the old block" if that mean anything... u can somehow judge someone with the cpy they hung out with basically... so just be guided next time n check out their cpy first b4 deciding anything...

i dunno whether this works as i havent tried it out myself n it may seem biase so i will leave it to u to decide...

Most imptly is not to give up hope... even though i had so so much painful experience, i didnt give up, u knw me very well.

So chin up n throw that bastard out the window... :)

Cant wait to go to the zoo with u n deru... hehe... i didnt knw we could bring friends too n it FREE!!!

We will have a real good time... a little break for me too b4 my grueling exams in 2wks.

sign out.

The one with the threat...

Oh... it seems i have been warned...

I guess i somehow received a threat recently...

Actually i chance upon it... I think the threat refers to me most probably...

it seems that my entry didnt sit well with some ppl...

And i m finally kick frm the list... Yippy...

i didnt want to do it myself bcos it wld be mean n childish but someone beat me to it... haha

certain claims made to ppl but i still dun believe wat is said... as action speaks louder than words...

i hope to continue to live a cheerful happy life to the way i was with or with pee's presence... i can do it... :)

thanks for some sweet encouragment emails from u guys...

its this sweet surprises that made our days lighter n really lessen some of our burden just reading a thotful mail.

thanks to all.

sign out.

The one where i VOICE OUT!!

Its the CA for my students this week, i really pray they do well, if not, it will protray my teaching skills are... how do i say it "bad?" :(
Like what other teachers told me, as long as i give it all i can, i have nothing to feel ashame abt...

talking about dat...

Things r spreading ard abt my previous date with this guy, as many knw i was seeing someone but i NEVER agreed in a r/s.
Seeing doesnt mean "IN" a r/s. Its bcos i only knw him like 2mths? how can i knw a person with such a short period of time...
Yes! i do like him but dat doesnt mean we r attached...

anyhow... it seems that he is going ard trying to "Seduce" my friends into believing his crappy stories... Even all the way to PEE in Aus he wouldnt give her some peace!!!

Here is the lowdown which i found out recently when i met up with my friends...

Not only has he been calling them up inviting them to his bday, he even confide in one of them when apparently he was still so call HAVING A R/S with me... ok wait, let me define it more clearly, at that time of the call, HE had asked for a breakup with me a week ago and after since, he has been really sad n wanted me back by crying to my friends saying how i was so mean n stuff n blah blah blah "BUT" he didnt OPEN HIS GOLDEN MOUTH to tell me that he wanted me back. And after what i have been thru, i wouldnt want to continue with him anywaye bcos i cldnt take such psychological pain anymore.

So wat happen is that he went to tell everybody that i was being a jerk, bastard, asshole treating him this way when wat i did was just following wat he wanted, a breakup n i do have feelings too. i need time to adjust my feelings back n knowing that he wanted a break, i shd be protecting myself by locking my feelings up if u knw wat i mean. but then, according to him, i was very cold n totally less caring anymore... ppl who knws me knws what kind of a person i m, when he initiated the breakup again n again n again several times, i m always really hurt but then i thot to myself, how many times must i put myself into this. Since he is so "bo chap" abt the "r/s" then i shd just agree with him then n when i did, i bcame the JERK!!

COME ON!!! What the F**K!!!

He who hit me once infront of a friend when he is upset (YES!!! HE IS AN ABUSER!!! Even his EX told me so which happen to be my friend n he himself confess he is one),
He who was unfaithful to his "2" ExBFs whom one which he confess that his "BEST" Friend force him to have sex with him "TWICE"... COME ONE PPL, U actually believe in such ridiculous lies!!! The other was caught by my friends as he slept with someone i knw n he told me then he was still attached. And when confronted by his ex, he deny the whole thing even when there was once he was caught on IRC seeking "FUN", my friend even have the "HARD COPY LOG FILE" to prove it...Yes this manupilative bastard!!!

And most gays we pass by on the streets, he would tell me he dislike them... Why do u think so??? give it a thot... (i m already one of them)

okok getting back to the story... so one day when his HK friend came for a visit, he called a friend of mine telling her he is so so so upset.... Y??
bcos the HK friend REJECTED his advance towards him!!! Then my friend was like thinking "Arent u still with jon???"

Dear friends... if he is still so IN LOVE with me which he TOLD MY FRIENDS, how come suddenly out pop a HK friend, which he spend almost all his time with him when i wasnt with him at the time... AND this incident is so so familar long ago with his ex too, he claim he was on a break with his ex and so he went to sleep with my friend... oic... interesting.... mayb this is happening here. i have no prove thou, but what he told my friends with his mouth is prove enough to knw what kind of a person he is...

the sad issue here is that, mayb he has got to one of my friend n she has been with him mayb hearing his one-sided stories... i m just sadden by this and not anything else... bcos i do treasure this friendship with her...

part two coming up...

sign out.